Finished this script by John Swetnam.
The opening scene is a grabber. This is how you start a script. Vegas P.D. rush onto a scene that contains an abandoned shuttle bus, a burned-down gas station, dismembered bodies, a welder’s mask and a video camera. I see an opening like this on screen, I’m immediately in.
You want to shake your audience. You want them hit them hard. You need to capture their attention. Swetnam effectively accomplishes this in half-a-page. Very impressive.
The detectives now must piece together what’s happened and catch this murderer. They have two shell-shocked witnesses and three video cameras that just may have recorded the killer’s identity.
Unfortunately, the set-up’s greater than the story. It turns into a slasher film. The kind where you really don’t care about the victims since their only purpose on screen is to die.
I can easily see this script as a movie as written…it just wouldn’t be a great one.
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